今天是全中国哀悼舟曲泥石流灾害的日子，是灰色的日子，因为舟曲最黑色的日子已经和遇难的同胞一起，渐行渐远。
从汶川、到玉树、再到舟曲，
我们曾经不断地说，汶川不哭，玉树不哭，但是真的不想再说，舟曲不哭。
怎么可能不哭。
如此的灾难，失去所有的转瞬虽已离去，但面对面目疮痍的土地，倒塌房屋里搜寻出的具具遇难者遗体，甚至是至死紧抱在一起的父亲和儿女们，舟曲，你怎么能不哭出声来？
如果不哭，这让人窒息的伤痛要何时才能被治愈？
舟曲，你尽情地哭吧，就算是放肆，就算是任性，也痛哭这一回吧。哭完之后，请和我们一起继续生活下去。
没有摧不垮的躯体，只有摧不垮的灵魂。
只要灵魂仍在，我们仍然在一起。
沉痛悼念2010年8月7日甘肃省甘南藏族自治州舟曲县特大泥石流灾害遇难同胞。
People say that one who has faith can finally reach his destination, even once lost.
I think it can work that way. Since I have faith.
After reading <Tuesdays with Morrie> and watching <The Bucket List>, I guess that I’m luckily one step closer to myself, the voice is ever louder than before. Maybe love and faith are the only two real things that can bring us home. I still remember their talk about passed days.
Cole: Only successful marriage I had was me and my work. I started making money when I was 16…and that was that…Never stopped.
Carter: I’ll be damned. I wanted to be a history professor.
Cole: Nobody’s perfect.
Carter: I made it through two months of city college…before Virginia gave me the news. And then, you know…young, black, broke, baby on the way. Take the first decent job that comes along. I always meant to go back…but 45 years goes by pretty fast.
Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole…
Silence left.
Morrie, Carter, Cole, these three men might had something in common. They all put moves on the things they wanted to do and they should do before their death, that’s the point. Just like Cole said in ward: “The way I see it, we can lay around here…hoping for a miracle in some bullshit science experiment, or we can put some moves on.”
In Carter’s funeral, Cole said: ” Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing, when you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers. ( At the same time, he ruled out the second in the bucket list: Help A Complete Stranger for The good.) I hope that it doesn’t sound selfish of me but…the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life and, he knew it before I did. I’m deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it’s safe to say that we brought some joy to one another’s life. So, one day when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter’s there, to vouch for me, and show me the ropes on the other side.
By any measure, these three men lived more in their last days on Earth than most people manage to wring out of a lifetime. They all experienced the huge depression, acceptance, pain, happiness that never happened in their life before. That’s enough.
Sonia is one of my friend, and once was one of my trainees. She refused FSU PHD fellowship and chose to go to Cornell University for her further study, ready to pay a large amount of money there. She tangled a long time for this and finally decided to follow her heart, and she believe that she can make it. Of course she can.
I still remember that last summer she told me she wanted her case to be the successful one among all our trainees. And now, she makes it. She had her undergraduate in an Chinese ordinary university, with no outstanding academic records, no any research experience, no excellent English using ability. But she was the first trainee who finished studying the very sick book of original professional, and brought to discuss with me her study and application plan. She was the first girl who got two opportunities to work as the research assistant in lab only one month after she made her major choosing decision. She was also the one who never complain about her tire to me even when she had to handle the profound professional book and paper, the heavy work in the lab, the intensive preparation for both graduate application and final exam. She was always trying her best, and, she is the one who makes me proud of.
This is life, it’s short and sucks a lot of time, but always remember that you’re still alive.
2010春节来临前，我在北京。
去年的今天，正是年初二。
回过头看，又一次感叹时间的流转，每年的感慨却又不尽相同。
北京没有想象中的冷，让我极快适应了环境，环境之于我，的确不存在能否适应，而更重要的是，是否喜欢。
在北京的第四天，终于买上了节能灯泡，于是可以让我暂住的房间结束黑暗，我便也不必再四处摸索。
我在一个极其小的杂货铺买了灯泡，老板人算热心，跟我讲不同灯泡的差异，怕我不好拿，还不忘叮嘱一旁的妻子拿个塑料袋给我装灯泡，若是在上海，即便我要，估计也是被拒绝的。
他们家还有个小孩，我刚进门问有没有节能灯泡，他就在门口马上应了我，出去时因为门太旧了不好开，他坐在门边用脚替我挡了门。
突然觉得有很多小事可以让人开心。
突然觉得自己似乎比以前更能分清什么是现实，什么是理想，什么区分了他们，什么连接了他们，又是什么阻碍了他们的连接。
感谢生活，感谢我的工作，感谢发生的所有事情，让我更理性、更清醒、也更critical。
感谢我的evaluation test，我第一次写出了对十年后的自己的期待，发现竟是如此具体，如此令我憧憬，于是需要的似乎只剩下三件事：做、信心、耐心。
Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow.
2010.1.27/23:35
只是当我仅仅为写而写的时候，发觉自己怎么都无法一气呵成
是我太强求自己了吗
很多时候，要找到强求自己和不给自己借口这两者之间的界线的确不易
这几天一空下来就看CM
大概是因为最近才发现Hotch的强大，于是乎想去回顾他究竟强大在哪里
Gideon还在的时候，也许光芒太过耀眼，让人看不清他的力量
记得最初Reid说自己会开始做噩梦的时候
Gideon会告诉他自己每次都会去看以前救过的人的照片，那样他就会重新找回力量继续和邪恶较量
但是当Sarah被害，Gideon一度坚持的信念全面崩溃，所以他需要离开重新找回最初的理想
而当三季之后，Haley也被害的时候，面对还不知死为何物的小Jack，Hotch选择继续fight
他想告诉Haley和Jack，他不会放弃
每次外出办案，Hotch作为组长都会跟当地的警方介绍这是某某探员
唯独在介绍Reid的时候，他总会强调 This is doctor Reid
他不会让任何一个人轻视这个外表看来柔弱年轻、毫无经验的天才
有次Hotch用Gideon的名义给Garcia送花
于是头一次看到了这个整天面对血腥和死亡但内心仍充满爱的小天才难以掩饰的快乐
Gideon问Hotch为什么这么做
Hotch只是微笑着说，任何人都希望被得到重视，只是你有时会忽略这点，Gideon
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared what lies within us.
现在是2009.8.24凌晨1：05，已经结束又一个8.23。
8.23不是什么很特殊的日子，只是我曾经一个很重要的朋友的生日。
想起昨天晚上（其实也就是1个半小时前）11：30，我无意查了下时间，于是愣了一下，看到8.23才想起是某人的生日，我倒不是忘了某人生日是几号，而是我过得太过匆忙，以至于常常记不起今天是几月几号。。。
然后，总算赶在零点前发去了短信，虽然没有回复，但也许只是发出就好。因为我一定要送给你真诚的祝福，无论我们的距离有多遥不可及。
我应该感谢生活的，总是在某些时间里，让我遇到了重要的朋友，尽管这样的人在我的生命里还真的不多。过去，现在。但只是在人生的某一段路上一起走过，我已经很满足，因为我有东西可以收藏、记起、感动、怀念。
我应该感谢自己的，一直鼓励自己坚持了很久很久，这已经不像是过去的我。
我也想要感谢你，我知道如果你读到这里一定会明白我说的人是你，一直站在我身边，尽管我是慢性子，而你是急性子，U’re my person…
成熟的人不担心未来。尽管我还并不见得足够成熟，但当我终于做出决定时，我已不再担心未来。
年少的时候，你是否有想过要独自走遍世界的每个角落？
长大以后，你是否还会履行曾经对自己的许诺？
即便辛苦，即使忙碌。
你是否相信，人生其实可以有无数种选择？
而每种选择，却都可以带来不一样的精彩？
选择的权利，还是否仍然在你的手中紧握？
无论现在，或是未来，我都希望你能快乐。
对你的祝福，也许是我想留给你的永远的礼物。
每一个现在，都是你曾经幻想的未来。
再美好的未来，也比不过温暖的现在。
未完待续… …
如果我们有一个机器猫的时光机就好了，可以回到过去，阻止当初错误的选择发生。还可以去到将来，看看什么样的选择带来的结果会是最圆满的，然后回到现在就这么选吧。
也许真的有挺多人常常就是这么想的。也许有很多人曾经这么想过。也许有不少人会在未来的某个时间点这么想。
我属于第二种人。
我们都认为自己应该有权选择未来的生活，但又常常害怕做选择，希望有一个智者来替我们做决断，即便选错了，也可以将所有责任推到这样一个人身上。可惜世上没有这样的智者。
我们对未来没有把握，对未来一无所知，我们又想逃避承担结果和责任，所以害怕选择，所以想找个人来告诉我们现成的答案。
逐渐长大后，开始慢慢告诉自己，做选择前要冷静、理智、倾听自己内心的声音，对外部环境有了解、有认识、有思考，然后选择。一旦选择，要相信你有能力让它带来你最想要的结果，而不只是最完美的结果。
对于结果，你只需要接受，然后反思，而后再开始选择。
每一个选择，在不同人身上，都可以带来不同的结果。人是最不受控，也最受控的因素。剔除外部不可控因素，任何选择所带来的，也许都是你曾经想让他发生的结果。如果你不认同，或许是他们只曾经出现在你不自知的潜意识里。
我有一本日记本，它的名字叫《时光机》，它现在还有好多空白，而当它被填满之后的某一天，被再次重新阅读的时候，它不就是我最好的时光机吗？
记得小时候看《机器猫》，有一集里，在一个星期天的早上，野比从机器猫那里要来了一个可以帮他做选择的机器。原理就是，他可以通过机器看到自己做任何一个选择所带来的后果，好的坏的，这样会帮助他去提前想好到底该选哪个。野比看着每一个选择带来的结果，每看完一个就会越想看下一个选择会带来什么结果。没多久，他就把星期天一整天的每种选择会带来的结果都看完了，还牢记了自己一天该做哪些选择。然后兴高采烈、暗自得意地站起来准备出门，“好，今天就这么定了！”
话音未落，机器猫进来了，开始铺床睡觉，野比再回头，窗外已经满天繁星。
星期天已经过去了。
Still in Gray’s Anatomy S1 Ep1
George & Meredith sitting on a window ledge of the hospital outside. They both look pensive. MEREDITH: I wish I wanted to be a chef. Or a ski instructor. Or a kindergarten teacher.
GEORGE: You know I would have been a really good postal worker. I am dependable. You know my parents tell everyone they meet that their son is a surgeon. As if it is a big accomplishment. Superhero or something. If they could see me now.
MEREDITH: When I told my mother that I wanted to go to medical school, she tried to talk me out of it. Said I didn’t have what it takes to be a surgeon. That I can never make it. So the way I see it, superhero sounds pretty damn good.
GEORGE: We are going to survive this, right? Meredith just smiles.
I can’t think of any one reason on why I want to be a surgeon. But I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit.
They make it hard on purpose.
There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it is more than just a game. And you either take that step forward. Or turn around and walk away. I could quit. But here is the thing. I love the playing field.
因为工作的缘故，这一年来没有怎么很完整地看过<Gray’s Anatomy>，基本也只是断断续续地看了S4，S5中的某几集。看美剧常常让我有种特殊的感觉，就是你知道虽然剧情是虚构的，但其中的每个人在和你一起逐渐成长、成熟，甚至衰老。只是他们在用另一种方式与你的生活产生交集。就像看<Friends>中Rachel近十年的变化，从任性、没有太多主见到慢慢成熟、独立；看<Growing Pains>中Ben从一个小不点成长为一个独立的青年，尽管我认为他长大后没有小时候那么机灵可爱，反应也更迟钝。但是你仍然亲眼见证了一个人的成长，这是如此神奇的事情。
这些天突然又翻出了GA S1的第一集，反复看了好几遍，当所有interns第一次来到Seattle Grace Hospital 的手术室时，Chief的那段话是整个S1中令我印象最深刻的。
Each of you comes here today hopeful, wanting in on the game.
A month ago you were in medical school, being taught by doctors.
Today, you are the doctors.
The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave.
This is your starting line.
This is your arena.
How well you play, that’s up to you.
Meredith从母亲那里所继承的作为全美一流外科医生的聪颖天资，Yang在医学院毕业时绝对顶尖的成绩与自信，以及她在医学上的勤奋与悟性，注定了她们是所有实习医生中最耀眼的两人，也注定了他们会成为彼此心中真正的“My Person”。
但我始终觉得，在Meredith的内心深处，她始终是一个人独自生活，独自承担生活中的好与坏。尽管她有Yang，Izzie，George这样不离不弃的朋友，有Derek这样可以始终包容和容忍她情绪化的人在身边，她仍然还是一个人。所以尽管她和Derek彼此都很努力地适应对方，冲突和矛盾仍然接连不断。
但是即便最终还是独自一人，它仍然不是你可以过得不好的理由。
就像Chief所说的，How well you play, that’s up to you.
